THE DIAGNOSIS
Today is 3 days after my 32nd birthday and exactly 4 months after my breast cancer diagnosis. Back in April, following weeks of tests and having already been told that I had a grade 3 invasive ductal carcinoma (?!) in my right breast, my world was sent into a tail spin when my ‘little bit of cancer’ all of a sudden spread throughout my body. Obviously it had been this way for a while, but I had been blissfully plodding through life unaware.
For you to understand the full glory of this story I have to take you back to August 2015 when I took myself off to the GP having found a small lump in my right boob. I was obviously worried and scared, as any 29 year old would be, thinking they might have breast cancer, but the GP told me it was nothing to worry about, just normal lumpy boobs!! I was, apparently, too young to have breast cancer and there was no family history, so I should just not worry about it, which I didn’t, for 2 years!..
In the 2 years that followed, I knew something wasn’t quite right in my body but I trusted what the doctor had told me, because that’s what we do, and honestly, she’d told me what I wanted to hear so I didn’t question it.
Earlier this year, in a bid to try and sort my health out, I decided to get the lump looked at again, as just another thing to tick off the list. This time was very different. My straight forward, early morning consultation, turned into an all dayer, of ultrasounds, multiple biopsies, mammograms and hospital food, and before I knew it I was sat in front of the doctor whilst she uttered the words;
“I’m sorry, we think it is cancer” followed by, “come back in two weeks for the results“…..!!!!!
Shock. Despair. I literally saw my future as I had planned it flash before my eyes and now I had two weeks to sit and stew on it, worry about it, and try and convince myself it wasn’t happening.
They were the longest weeks of my life, but I prepared myself for the worst and I was ready to kick this thing. It was going to be traumatic, chemo was going to make me sick, I was going to have to give up work for a bit, but this time next year it would all be over, and I would be a cancer survivor!
The doctor finally confirmed it was cancer 2 weeks later. I was shocked, scared, but I had prepped myself for this so I pulled myself up and reminded myself that I was strong enough to get through it. Further tests followed to find out exactly what type of cancer it was, whether there was anything else going on, but I had no symptoms, I wasn’t ill, there was no way there was anything else, so I didn’t worry.
When they finally dealt me the diagnosis of stage 4, incurable, life shortening cancer, following a traumatic couple of weeks of MRI’s, CT scans, bone scans, more biopsies, and being flooded with various radioactive dyes and sugar drinks…I was weirdly calm.
I don’t know if it was that I was all out of tears by this point, or that it was just a relief to know I didn’t need any more scans for a while – I had danced out of my last scan, much to the nurses disbelief, as she had obviously seen what I had seen on the screen so she knew I had nothing to dance about!
All of a sudden I had gone from thinking I had a really tough year ahead of me, of dreaded chemo, being sick, loosing my hair, and having to put all my dreams on hold until this nightmare was over, to being told I was going to be on hormone therapy and oral chemo with minimal side effects, and that nothing needed to change.
I have no symptoms, I’m not ill, so technically everything is the same, apart from the fact that I now have an INCURABLE DISEASE, and that this nightmare is in in fact never going to be over.
The last 4 months have been life changing, but a lot has changed for the better. The future plans I had for myself have had to be tweaked, some dramatically, but I can’t say its all been all doom and gloom.
I have changed my lifestyle and continue to improve this everyday, and I have experienced more in the last 4 months than I would have done without cancer. Obviously I would love to not have tumors in my body, but I cant pretend this diagnosis hasn’t woken me up to a life I was plodding through, and given me a much needed shove to a more positive, mindful outlook of my future, whatever that might be.
If you only read this story and never read this blog again then please take something away from this;
We know our own bodies better than anyone and if it is telling you something isn’t right persist until you find an answer, if I had trusted my intuition, the story above would be very different.
~ Lea xx