NEW YEAR MUSINGS

Two full weeks into the new year and I am only just getting round to posting this!

To be honest, this has been in the writing for the past two weeks and I just haven’t had the time, energy, whatever it is, to get it finished and posted. I have been sick, then got better, then had projects that needed to be finished, and so these posts kept getting put to one side.

One of my goals for this year is to grow this platform, but most importantly to be authentic with it. It is easy, as we all know, to get suckered in by what everyone else is doing….the classic social media comparison.

My love hate relationship with social media is as real now as it ever has been.

I’ve never really been very active on these channels, and only made my Instagram account public when I started this blog. I would use social media mainly as a tool to follow people who have seemingly perfect lives so that I could ‘motivate’ myself, which basically entailed beating myself up about not doing enough. I am also a self confessed social media stalker that would do MI5 proud!

Comparing myself to an influencer I have little in common with that was promoting a brand that I don’t like, support or believe in, and finding myself swiping through tons of insta stories I didn’t relate to nor was I inspired by, has been the norm. 

Starting to put yourself out there on these platforms brings a whole new set of comparisons about not doing enough of this, or that.

Am I posting at the right time? Am I posting the right things? Why aren’t I reaching the same amount of people as others….and yet again I’m comparing myself. This new community of mine is no different than any other, there is always comparison to be made. 

So, I’ve had a cleanse. Something I recommend all of you do!

I sifted through the 1500+ people I followed and then unfollowed anyone who didn’t inspire me, motivate me, or that I wasn’t personally connected to, and I can tell you, I don’t miss knowing what those people/brands are up to. 

This is not to say any of those accounts I unfollowed aren’t great, inspirational people to follow, they just weren’t for me. Social media and blogs can be a great tool, and I have big plans for it this year, but we all need to be kind to ourselves and honour were we are right now. Allowing yourself to get sucked down an instagram rabbit hole of comparison only de-motivates you more. 

This wasn’t what this post was supposed to be about. It was supposed to be about goals, intention setting, resolutions etc. But I realised the reason I haven’t posted this so far (even though one of my goals was to be more active on here) was because some of those new year intentions I set myself had to be kicked into action already for me to be able to move forward.

I needed to have a word with myself, to remind myself why I am doing what I’m doing and that we are all different. We all have a different story to tell, different intentions and reason for doing what we do, and it’s important to keep coming back to that.

One of my biggest intentions for this year was to go with authenticity and to focus on my own personal growth. Slow and Steady.

In my pre-cancer days, my work was seasonal, in that projects went on for a couple of months at a time. I would find myself longing for a crappy project to be over, and just keeping my ‘head down’ until it was done. But what that often meant is that entire months would disappear before my eyes and I’d personally have nothing to show for it, other than a disappointing bank balance that reflected how much I had to ‘treat’ myself with after work drinks, new boots, indulgent food, more new boots…

My New Year used to be much of the same, keep my head down until it was over. Start again next year and try to do better. I would be so exhausted from the year before that I would again, just be wishing for the end of the year to be over.

My choice to actually celebrate New Year this year was something I haven’t done in years. Sure I’ve been out for New year before, but only because that’s what your supposed to do. I’ve never really celebrated with intention, and awareness of the what the night signifies.

But from now on, since 9 months ago, all of these holidays and important dates are milestones that need to be celebrated. I am no longer wishing my days away, I am valuing every moment, and enjoying even the most mundane moments of my day.

My new year goals are usually just repeated from the year before because I never got round to reaching them. I never did get the dream job, road trip across the US, or buy a house, so I would just aim for them again the year after.  

Never were those goals, to love more, slow down, focus on my wellbeing, or even to be better to the planet. They were tangible material goals, that I put pressure on myself to achieve, feeling like a failure if I didn’t.

Not until last year, Jan 1st 2018, did I finally set a goal to focus on my health. Luckily at the top of that list was getting that lump checked again…so thankfully that was the one year I did achieve a goal!  

There have been many ups and downs in the last nine months that’s for sure, but it hasn’t been all that bad. Infact, some of those goals I set year after year are finally being achieved, or at least feel much more likely right now. This is only because I shifted my focus onto, loving more, slowing down, focusing on my wellbeing and having faith in whatever this crazy world has planned for me. The more pressure I release the more exciting these goals feel, and the less they seem like a daunting checklist of achievements I need to check off.

The intentions I set this year are not just for January, of for the first couple of months until I slip up, they are lifelong intentions of the way I want to live. Opportunities for growth, and healing, and the faith that living all of these intentions will help make those goals that much more enjoyable to reach.

Even two weeks in, these intentions, that I check back on whenever I’m feeling a bit wonky, have already helped to re-ground and re-focus me. But also they have reminded me of the most important things in life, live with gratitude, love and be open to whatever comes up, no pressure.

Lxx